|Disclaimer: This is just a joke. It's not meant to be taken seriously.
Spondyville does NOT recommend anyone actually do this.
Please follow your doctor's advice.
|Well, this past Labor Day weekend was a memorable one in Spondyville. The Spondyville Pre-Ankylosing Spondylitis Meds Society, held their much-publicized "Stiffboree" or "Spasmspalooza" at the campground near the Old Fairgrounds, and while it was well-attended, it was, without a doubt, a complete disaster.
A crowd of Spondys, estimated to be in the hundreds, spent anywhere from three days to two and a half months without taking any meds or participating in any treatment option not available to the founders of Spondyville in 1875.
The much publicized Stiffboree, also known as the SPASMS-palooza, ended with hundreds of local residents becoming completely “statue-fied.” “Statue-fied” is a condition, wherein a person with Spondylitis becomes completely frozen and unable to move ... at all. As I’m sure you can imagine, Constable Crimp (the cop with a limp), and his deputies had a heckuva problem on their hands; first, there were all those campfires and nobody that could bend over to put them out. Fortunately a storm front moved in late Sunday evening and put out the fires, however, many of the re-enactors who had become statue-fied were then unable to bend down to get inside their pup tents, and a number of the ‘statue-esques’ who started out admiring the night sky, almost drowned during the ensuing rainstorm.
The Stiffboree (or Spasms-palooza) did set a record for most statue-fied individuals in one location, but the immobile re-enactors also, according to Officer Crimp, exceeded the limits of statuation set by the Spondyville town council in 1966. (The law was enacted after the controversial "NSAID Rebellion of 1965.")
Most residents were simply released on their own recognizance, but a few of the more severly affected had to be forklifted into the back of a truck, given IV biologics and returned to their homes to await recovery.
The Spondyville massage therapists and other medical professionals set up a triage unit outside Spondyville General Hospital to treat the affected Spondyville residents. All are expected to fully recover … (of course, by fully recover I mean to the point where they were just before the weekend began, but never mind that.)
The Spondyville restaurant community stepped up to the plate and kindly donated food and drinks to the Statue-fied for the duration of their ordeal.
SPASMS organizer, Phil O. Maloney, (aka "Full O' Baloney") issued a statement regretting the many statuations, but promised to hold another Stiffboree (or Spasms-palooza) again next year. “We Spasmateers wish to honor our ancestors who struggled through their entire lives, living with AS in a time when few, if any treatment options were available. Suffering like they did is the least we can do to honor their memories.”
Spondyville town handyman, "Pops" DeMaupassant was heard muttering about having to work overtime to clean up the "d**ned" mess.
And so it goes. Stay tuned for further developments.