Welcome to the Spondyville Comedy Cellar!
            Spondy Jokes! (As told by Shecky Spondoli)

A Spondy and his wife walk into a bar.
The bartender asks, "Care for a stiff one?"
She says, "Yeah, and frankly, he's beginning to get on my nerves."

Q: What's the difference between a Spondy and a road map?
A: The map can be folded up and put in the glove compartment.

Q: How can you tell a Spondy's been born-again?
A: He's been re-fused.

Q: Why did the Spondy cross the road?
A: To re-fill his prescriptions.

Q: What do you call a Spondy with bad posture and swollen ankles?
A: Completely Normal.

Q: How can you tell when a Spondy is also a real cool Beatnik?
A: He won't let his "hip" be replaced.

Q: Why did God create Spondys?
A: He's was out of Pick-up Sticks.

Q: What's the difference ...
    ... between an Olympic Pole Vaulter's equipment and a Spondy?
A: The pole can bend a little.

Q: Why are Spondys like scrambled eggs?
A: Because with a Spondy, it's never 'over easy'.

Q: Why did the Spondy throw the alarm clock out the window?
A: He finally dozed off at 6AM and the alarm went off at 6:15.

Q: Where does ...
     ... a remorseful Spondy homemaker keep their flaky skin?
A:  In their sorry-attic. (psoriatic)

Q: How many Spondys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A:  Lightbulb?  Ehh, who needs lights?

A Priest, a Rabbi and a Spondy go out for dinner.
Who bends over and picks up the check?
Okay, Here's my first attempt:

A priest, a rabbi and a spondy walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Good evening, gentlemen, what'll you have?" The rabbi says, "My poor friend here has Ankylosing Spondylitis, he suffers horribly. His neck is fused, his back is fused and he's in pain every day of his life. I'll have a tall glass of Manischevitz wine." The bartender somehow finds a bottle of Manischevitz and pours the rabbi a tall glass of wine. The rabbi picks up the glass and downs the wine in one gulp, yells, "L'Chaim!" and passes out, landing face down on the sawdust covered floor. The bartender turns to the priest and says, "What'll YOU have?" The priest says, "My poor, dear friend here has Ankylosing Spondylitis, a horrible arthritic condition; he is in terrible pain every day, and his neck is fused, his back is fused, and because of a horrible bout of iritis, he's blind in one eye, so I'll have a Bloody St. Mary, that's a Bloody Mary with a few drops of holy water in it." Somehow the bartender manages to make the drink and hands it to the priest. The priest throws back his head and downs the drink in one gulp, yells "Praise Jesus", and passes out ... landing right on top of the rabbi. The bartender then turns to the spondy, who says to him: "Hey, don't look at me, I'm the designated driver!"

Q: Why is the Coast Guard recruiting Spondys?
A: They need some big Flares!
(Thanks to Michelle a.k.a. 'Bingo' for that one.) 

YOU WRITE THE JOKE:

Q:  How many Spondys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A:  ____________________________________

Responses to the YOU Write the Joke Challenge:

A: One Spondy to hold the bulb, and three to play 'Spin the Spondy!'
(Michelle a.k.a. 'Bingo')

A:  A lightbulb?  Screw the lightbulb, give me a flashlight!
(Christi a.k.a. 'Cjjames')

Thanks Michelle and Christi!

  ( Send
YOUR punchline suggestions to:  Spenser23@aol.com )