|Archeological Discovery in Spondyville!!|
|(The "Dig" is Dug)|
Spondyville - October 30, 2006
An archeological dig here has uncovered fascinating new evidence of an ancient community dating back almost 3 thousand years located right in the middle of Spondyville. Nicknamed the Spondyville "Stick People", this indigenous community of native Americans, who called themselves the Spondylaropis, were all rounded over like bent twigs. Probably due to some unknown chronic degenerative disease. They used tools, particularly early versions of canes and walkers whittled from tree branches. They had their own language, which, for the time being, remains totally undecipherable. They also had a strange form of religion which featured flamboyant medicine men AND women, who wore headresses made from potato skins, and which involved strange offerings thrown to their god while screaming obscenities. One of their more puzzling customs was to bury their dead face down with their humped backs facing up. It is not clear whether this was to offer a "moon" to their deity, or just a matter of personal taste. The practice resulted in very noticeable burial "mounds", which, until just last Thursday, were considered to be natural formations. They also used tools to separate the starch in their foods and concentrate it all into one enormous daily offering to their god, Spudi, (pronounced, "Yamway").
The site was initially discovered when ground was broken for the building of a new 24 hour drug store. Due to the significance of the find, the drug store has moved to another location, and a team of archeologists were brought in, sponsored by a grant from the philanthropic Marie Strumpell Foundation.
|A typical Spondylaropis Burial Mound.|
|Drawings found on the walls inside some of the Burial Mounds.|
|Tools found include this crude stone "reacher"
(with leather binding)
|A fragment of a Spondylaropis medicine pot, which contained a potion made from sweet potatoes.|
|Left: What was thought to be a water vase with a hole in it ...was, upon cleaning, and closer inspection, to actually be ...|
|... The world's oldest rock guitar. This remarkably well-preserved granite Strato-caster was made sometime around 1000 B.C.E.|
|The location of the dig was foretold by following the gaze of this mysterious crop circle which appeared only months before the site was discovered.|
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It is not even hearsay. It is made up.
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In other words, "Scram, ya little weisenheimers. Go look it up the information in the Encyclopedia Brittanica, for cryin' out loud."